Lost my mom, how to deal with it.

Sorry for your loss OP. Just this past weekend I went to the funeral of my best friend's mom who passed at 65 from pancreatic cancer. Saw the grieving up close and my friend, his sister and his dad all grieved in different ways so nothing is "normal". Do what you need to do for yourself.

I appreciate you guys taking the time to read the post and letting me know, what I am feeling right now is normal. It kinda hit me last night when I was at the store picking out stuff for dinner and I wanted to make my moms enchiladas. I unlocked my phone to call her to ask her how she made them. It really hard and I ended up leaving the store and ordering pizza. My boys have been a big help, my oldest 14 (Damian) has been hanging out with me, and we have been doing a ton of stuff together. Anthony the youngest, has been keeping me busy with his cancer treatment. I know I got to stay strong for him and make sure he gets through his battle with it.

Hospice did reach out to me for some grieving counseling, I am most likely going to do it. I have held a lot in the past 2 years. I really do need a vacation with the family. I know this has worn on them as well, especially Anthony's mom, she was taking my mom to her appointments and making sure she was receiving the proper doses of medication everyday. Liz and my mom got very close at the end.

I am glad I was able to be with my mom until the end. She showed nothing but love, and was still trying to make sure "us" kids would be alright. She was an amazing woman. She always would tell me through out hard times "We will find a way"

Revv and Zemedic, I think Josh, right? I will send you guys a PM. I know you guys have helped out others on here by just being a ear for them. Thanks everyone.

Anthony has gotten a lot bigger, I'll try to attach some pictures.

He got his first kiss, and has a ton of thick hair now.

@slow06 I gotta admit man that was a pretty tough read. Gave me a reality check to stop and think what would happen if I lost either of my parents. Closest thing I came to that experience was my Uncle Rich. Him and I shared a lot of common passions (Mustangs, racing) practically spent every weekend together. Kinda like a dad without the title in a way. He passed away in 06 in his sleep. The night before I had called, my oldest brother and my nephew were at his house hanging out, he had told them they were digging through junk drawer boxes that had titles to all sorts of cars/bikes he owned and said "One day when I'm gone you guys will be going through this mess" 8 hours later he passed.

The grieving you are experiencing seems normal. You have an amazing looking family and they are there for you. So be sure to hang on them, they'll understand and grieve with you.
Like others said try to find hobbies and activities to keep your brain distracted. I can relate to the phone call situation as I used to do the same thing for a long time after Rich had passed. My other aunts and uncles have recently done the same after my Uncle Bill passed in January just to hear him.

Really sorry for your loss OP. Nothing wrong with missing loved ones. We miss them because we love them. All we can do is remember them and live our lives in a way that would make them proud.

Please give Anthony a high-five from his buddies at SVTP. Great to hear he is doing so well!

Very sorry to hear about your mom. It is sad most all of us will experience this someday but for those of us that believe we will meet again in Heaven. I won't turn this into a religious post because you didn't ask for that, lol but if you haven't take the time to think about this, now would be a good time.

Good luck to you man, I hope and pray it gets easier for you.

lost my mom to cancer 26 years ago. Lost my dad to heart failure 2 years ago. It never sinks in. it never gets easier.

Hi OP, sorry for your loss. As other's have said, it never gets easier, it just gets a little more "dull". Day-by-day. Take everything slow. You will have bad days. Along with "better" days. I saw the innocence escape my wife the moment we watched her mother pass away. That innocence will never return.

What worked for us is when the sadness starts, focus on the lesson you've learned in her death.

What would you give to spend 2 more minutes with your Mother? You, your wife, your kids are all going to experience death. Why wait until they are dead to ask yourself that question? Live every moment loving and cherishing the people around you. Focus on your mother's memory and how it can make you a better husband, parent, sibling, etc. Sometimes death comes to us for a reason beyond the physical. It *should* awaken the living about how short life really is, what things are important, and why we should cherish every minute we have.

A few weeks ago there was another thread on SVTP about "is the grind worth it?". Meaning, we are all "A-type" people who work our butts off but at the end of the day, is it worth it?? I find myself asking who will be standing next to me on my death bed? Will it be my co-workers, employees, or customers??? Hell no. It'll be my family. That is what is important. Your time with your family. Literally nothing else matters at the very end. **All of it means nothing without the love of your family.** Don't spend those last few minutes talking about regret but instead the love that you've shared with the world.

Find some lesson that your Mother taught or is teaching you through her death. Something little. Be a better human, everyday, because of it. You'll always grieve your mother. Love yourself and love your family. Everything else is an utter waste of energy.

Nothing but love bro. That was painful to read and I felt the pain in your words. There are two things here which are, what would she have wanted you to do and you have a family to take care of. You push through anything and everything for your family. That's what being a man and a father is. She would have wanted you to be happy and live on happily. That doesn't make her loss easier but might give you some strenght to push through. Take it day by day, time will help. Cherish the good times.

Not sure how, but the mind will find a way to deal with it. It will never disappear but the good memories you'll be able to talk about eventually.

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You keep living and try to adjust to what the "new" normal is.
You survive but it hurts like hell... best advice I can give is keep a few really good memories of your mom that you cannot help but laugh at or smile at on cue and think of it when you need a brief respite from the pain.

So sorry about your mom. I missed my old mans last breath a few years ago... i was out of town buying a truck when he had a massive heart attack and i feel like i got there too late.

I battled with his loss for a few years but it is now finally getting easier to deal with. He was my best friend.

Glad to hear about Anthony. Hug him and the rest of your family. Our time on earth is limited and NO possessions matter nearly as much as your family.

gimmie11s said:

So sorry about your mom. I missed my old mans last breath a few years ago... i was out of town buying a truck when he had a massive heart attack and i feel like i got there too late.

I battled with his loss for a few years but it is now finally getting easier to deal with. He was my best friend.

Glad to hear about Anthony. Hug him and the rest of your family. Our time on earth is limited and NO possessions matter nearly as much as your family.

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My old man is my best friend too, talk to him everyday. He's taught me every single thing I know, and if i'm ever HALF the man he was, i'm doing alright. I realized in the past few years that my time with them is limited : its taught me patience (imagine a 60 year old with a smartphone!), and to love them unconditionally, as they're the only parents I'm going to ever have. My old lady doesn't have her father, and I CANNOT imagine a life without mine. The day I lose my father is going to be the worst day of my life. Family is priceless. We get too caught up in the 'hustle and bustle' that we forget about what truly matters.

Adrian, I'm here if you want to talk, brotha. Anytime at all.

Sorry for your loss @slow06. My condolences.
I think how you are feeling is normal. I have;t had to deal with anything like that yet. Both my parents are both elderly though, both 84 years old. Good days and bad days. I can't imagine how I am going to be when I love my mom. I'll prbably have to take a week off from work
Good luck brother and if you need to vent or chat, we're here for you or you can pm.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 15. He was my hero. I do not wish that pain on my worst enemy. I won't get into all the details, but it was not good, as you well know.

I don't want to say all the cliche things like they are in a better place or remember all the good things about them. Honestly, the only thing that can truly bring you peace is time, and I don't know how long that will be for you. I held onto my pain for many years, not knowing how to move on, and not really wanting to move on. I wasted alot of my life stuck in a rut of depression and sorrow and it did me no good whatsoever. I can tell you that my father would not have wanted me to wallow in my sorrow for so long. The best way for me to have made him proud would have been to gotten myself together and lived my life in a way that would honor his name and be the man he would have wanted me to be.

Live your life. Truly live it. Savor each day because it can be over in an instant. Don't allow yourself any regrets in life. Be the best brother, father, husband, son that you can be and know that your Mother will be smiling back at you proudly. Honor her by being the best version of yourself.

I pray you find closure, healing, and one day soon joy. With all my heart, I do.

Sorry for your loss OP. You are not alone with the pain of loss. Besides my Dad passing away last May 2018 have lost many close people in the last year or so including my 2 sister in laws and 2 of my wife's 1st cousins. All were in their early 50's and died from cancers. Its been very hard on their children and spouses they left behind. But all you can do is stay strong and thank god for the time you had with them.

I am VERY sorry for your loss my friend. I know what you are going through. I lost my father a little over a year ago. To be very honest and to the point I a agree with everyone that says to try and stay busy as much as possible. Do things that make you happy and you enjoy. You will never forget your mother and your loss of her being around. For me one of the hardest things I ever did after my father passed away was delete his phone number out of my phone. As I saw someone above post, lean on people you can trust and talk with, because not everyone can or should deal with things alone.


May she Rest In Peace.

I'll be honest man. I can't think of anything to help you or make you feel better. All I can say is you are a stronger man than I am. The shit you have been through is more than I could handle. Every time I read an update on your son it makes me hug mine a little longer before I put him to bed. I'm glad things are going better for him, and I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Keep your head up, you are one tough ass dude.

PowerWheels said:

Not sure how, but the mind will find a way to deal with it. It will never disappear but the good memories you'll be able to talk about eventually.

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As cold as this may sound, it’s correct. I watched both of mine go through the hell of hospice care( note, outstanding people) and a slow deaths. Remember the good times. I miss them, but I’m a big boy and dealt with it. That may have sounded harsh, but, it’s reality. Godspeed

I'm glad that you shared your story. We know from the title how the outcome would be, but there were many 'highs' and hope as she fought through and won many battles.

I lost my grandfather last year. I learned that he took the loss of his mother really hard. I realized how difficult it would be to lose one or both parents. Still I admire how he dealt with old age, was the rock of the family and grandkids maintaining frame and masculine personality. Always ready to go on adventures and teach us about the old days.

If I have to get old, I want to be that leader and have a safe, comfortable place for my grandkids, and teach them all I have learned.

I lost my dad in 2014 to cancer. There is no right way.

Express your emotions. Don't hold back.
Talk if people will listen
Be alone when you need to.
One day at a time
Time.. time is the only true cure.