Is this the NEW social NORM? WTF!

Looks like I have to take a stand. Don't want to, but I can't feed the new social norm. Moms side of the family growing up typical once a year summer reunion, Christmas party, and weddings! 6 uncles 1 aunt and cousins galore. It so happens I'm the second youngest in this family parade. Growing up I attended and participated in the majority of listed events. Funerals being the hardest. Weddings being the most fun! It seems now the new norm to not send invites to include children in wedding invites. It started with the one of the oldest cousins kids getting married and not including kids. I figured that's odd and attended anyway, without my kids. My niece then followed suite and did the same thing. However, I semi took a stand and only attended the ceremony not the reception. "Note" the first wedding was at a Trump golf course where Newt G. (he was there complementing my wife) plays and the sisters was at a premiere gathering place outside DC 100k plus weddings with no kids except the ones participating in ceremonies. NOW I get another! Same deal. This cousin means a lot to me as he is two years older and close. I'm still pissed at my sister but I simply can't feed the the new norm. Is this the new norm?


And let me beat anyone who starts replying. "Your kids must be little terrors" far from it! They spend a lot of time with elderly people that simply light up around them. I have two superior young social kids.

What gives?

Either you're family or not! I want to have my kids experience the good family celebrations along with sad. How can we expect our kids to carry on our norms if they are not experienced.


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Last few weddings I attended for close friends were no kids. Mine was the same.

I brought my daughter and let her know the importance and gravity of the situation, and I would make it hard for her to sit down if she disrespected the wedding.

She's a good kid anyways but I let her know what there were going to be consequences if she misbehaved. She was perfect.

The problem isn't kids, it's shitty parents.

If it makes you feel any better my cousin who is 37 got married and did not invite any of us kids, her first cousins who are all over 21 now.

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That wouldn't really fly in my family. Hasn't been a wedding in a while except for my gay cousin who is a year older than me and who I grew up with, and who also invited my entire family except for me and my immediate side of the family because I'm assuming he thinks because we are Christian so therefore anti-gay, and even though he is Catholic? Kind of pissed me off but that side of the family has never respected us anyways so not a huge surprise. No one in my family cares at all about his sexual orientation and has always been respectful to him.

As far as your topic goes though, I remember all of the family weddings I went to as a kid and they were always memorable. Kids are a big part of the wedding and ceremony so I don't see the point in excluding them unless you are just trying to cut costs because weddings are so damn overpriced. I think it is important that they get to experience it though.

Honestly do your kids want to be spending time at a wedding? Have them do something fun so YOU can do something fun. My brothers wedding (I’m going to be his best man) is no kids.

I remember when a couple of my cousins got married when me and my brother were younger. We weren't invited to attend. My mom was pissed. This was many years ago though.

A lot of the weddings I've been too had kids involved as ring bearers and such. I think it's good exposure for kids and they sure are fun after a couple drinks.

HudsonFalcon said:

A lot of the weddings I've been too had kids involved as ring bearers and such. I think it's good exposure for kids and they sure are fun after a couple drinks.

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Drinks for the kids or for you? Haha

svtfocus2cobra said:

Drinks for the kids or for you? Haha

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Just me unless they're 13.

I’m not a fan of the no-kids weddings. Cost cutting may be the main reason and I get that, as weddings are stupid money these days. Hell, when I got married at a Country Club where my parents belonged, dinner was incredible....and about $16 per plate. It has to be 4 to 5 times that these days.

Even when I was younger I always enjoyed watching parents and grandparents dancing with the little kids at receptions. It is all about memories for me.

My wife and I asked that no kids came to our wedding. Wasn't anything personal to any family or friends. We just didn't want kids running around and making a scene during the ceremony or reception. Imo it's their wedding they can do whatever they wan't. If it upsets you that much don't go, I can assure you their time will be filled either way.

Weddings are expensive and kids add to the head count. People with kids also need to leave early which really sucks when you've paid for a venue and entertainment.

Not only that but every kid that attends takes the place of an adult guest. Our venue had a capacity limit and if we invited kids we'd be forced to cut friends from the guest list to meet capacity limit.

You were invited to weddings when you were young because they were significantly cheaper then. Wedding costs have skyrocketed since then and extra guess kill budgets.

Honestly, you're being childish and short sighted.

Blown 89 said:

Weddings are expensive and kids add to the head count. People with kids also need to leave early which really sucks when you've paid for a venue and entertainment.

Not only that but every kid that attends takes the place of an adult guest. Our venue had a capacity limit and if we invited kids we'd be forced to cut friends from the guest list to meet capacity limit.

You were invited to weddings when you were young because they were significantly cheaper then. Wedding costs have skyrocketed since then and extra guess kill budgets.

Honestly, you're being childish and short sighted.

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Well, I expected this sort of opinion. I do realize the cost. I've been married twice, both were big weddings and I invited all. To me and my bride it was about the celebration. A reason for family and friends to come together. We just looked at it completely different. The more that could celebrate, the more fun it would be.

How are young kids and children going to learn the social dynamics of courtship if not demonstrated by adults.
Being older, and seeing the differences between my younger years attending weddings and celebrations, kids are getting left out. The only social interaction most kids have is structured school life. Kids today lack experiences shared by others only a decade ago.
I enjoy a good party, with the motto "the more the merrier". I do realize it's their wedding and their dollar, but if me or my kids are just considered a cost head count......Then the decision becomes a lot easier.

Thanks for the input. I'm glad I could bounce this off here.


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lOOKnGO said:

Well, I expected this sort of opinion. I do realize the cost. I've been married twice, both were big weddings and I invited all. To me and my bride it was about the celebration. A reason for family and friends to come together. We just looked at it completely different. The more that could celebrate, the more fun it would be.

How are young kids and children going to learn the social dynamics of courtship if not demonstrated by adults.
Being older, and seeing the differences between my younger years attending weddings and celebrations, kids are getting left out. The only social interaction most kids have is structured school life. Kids today lack experiences shared by others only a decade ago.
I enjoy a good party, with the motto "the more the merrier". I do realize it's their wedding and their dollar, but if me or my kids are just considered a cost head count......Then the decision becomes a lot easier.

Thanks for the input. I'm glad I could bounce this off here.


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People forget they were kids once. I don't go places where kids are not permitted. Being a father of 6 kids arenan awesome part of our lives.

It is their wedding in the end. If you feel strongly about it let them know but don't try and force them to believe like you.

Just when they have kids one day invite them over and tell them to find a baby sitter.

I've attended a ton of weddings and probably average 2 a year. Family and friends. I've yet to get an invite that doesn't include children. So I don't consider this no-kids-invite the norm. JMO.

I find I have my best family visits at funerals, and the worst one's at weddings. Always drama, so I solved the problem. I only attend the funerals.

If we're talking about weddings in specific, I don't see the problem. That day is about the bride and groom, and what they want. It's not about what you want, or what you want your kids to be able to do.

Ours was no kids. Mainly due to venue guest cap but also costs. We got married in 2010

Have two kids now and even if kids are allowed they get left at home. We would have to leave early if it’s a night time reception and i don’t think it’s nice to make them pay for us if we skip out at 7:30.

I don't get invited to weddings...winning! Lol

All of my friends are either married or divorced with no plans of ever going it again lol