I always helped my parents with laundry. Weird concept, child labor
Absolutely. My boys (7 & 9) are responsible for folding and hanging their own clothes, and bringing their laundry to and from the laundry room.
Controversial...is this wrong?
- Thread starter jpro
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Absolutely. My boys (7 & 9) are responsible for folding and hanging their own clothes, and bringing their laundry to and from the laundry room.
Buy the car and stop spending so much money on them.
Not a parent, but, I know what's involved. I went through it with my Mom and parents at a young age due to severe instability in the family, drug/alcohol abuse, etc.
OP - Who does the majority of the cleaning in the house? Grocery shopping, etc.
Since this became materialistic, you said you drive an older car. What does your wife drive? How often does she see her friends and go out compared to you?
I think what a lot of people in this thread are doing is trying to take ownership of your problem, most likely because they haven't been there or think your situation is the exact same as their's and they dealt with it and you should do it the same way as them. One thing I've learned about people, since I am an observer and I am a strong judge of character. People get comfortable. No one wants to get up as a set time every day, get ready for work, COMMUTE to work and work 10-12 hours a day or more.
People need to realize that while the wife, based on the very few posts the OP has provided, is taking care of the kids and some of ht house. He does everything else. The fact that all financial decisions for him, his wife, his kids falls on him. Without him working as he does, they won't have a comfortable life they have now.
As I understand it OP, you said your wife doesn't really want to work and she is comfortable with you working, right? In that case, that says it right there. She is comfortable doing what she does and comfortable with you doing what you do. The strain of being the sole provided falls on to one person, versus both parties involved in a Marriage.
Lot of people saying avoid the passive aggressive approach, but, there are several in this thread with cute little passive aggressive posts. Ironic.
OP - Who does the majority of the cleaning in the house? Grocery shopping, etc.
Since this became materialistic, you said you drive an older car. What does your wife drive? How often does she see her friends and go out compared to you?
I think what a lot of people in this thread are doing is trying to take ownership of your problem, most likely because they haven't been there or think your situation is the exact same as their's and they dealt with it and you should do it the same way as them. One thing I've learned about people, since I am an observer and I am a strong judge of character. People get comfortable. No one wants to get up as a set time every day, get ready for work, COMMUTE to work and work 10-12 hours a day or more.
People need to realize that while the wife, based on the very few posts the OP has provided, is taking care of the kids and some of ht house. He does everything else. The fact that all financial decisions for him, his wife, his kids falls on him. Without him working as he does, they won't have a comfortable life they have now.
As I understand it OP, you said your wife doesn't really want to work and she is comfortable with you working, right? In that case, that says it right there. She is comfortable doing what she does and comfortable with you doing what you do. The strain of being the sole provided falls on to one person, versus both parties involved in a Marriage.
Lot of people saying avoid the passive aggressive approach, but, there are several in this thread with cute little passive aggressive posts. Ironic.
You're doing just fine, bro. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
You know how I can tell? Because you have your priorities in order.
Anyhow, back to flogging OP.
Material possessions don't make a man. I drive a Miata so don't feel bad
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. My wife drives a new(er) family truckster...2014 Town & Country (yes, we rock a mini van with two kids and all of their stuff).
I'm a bit of a "neat nick" meaning I like a clean house. My wife's threshold for dealing with clutter and mess is much greater than mine, so I do the lion's share of cleaning. She does very little cleaning (and admittedly, does a lot of the mess-making along with the kids). The van is A MESS. I do much of the laundry, probably about 75% of the time. I also make sure the kids are up, dressed, teeth brushed, and fed before I leave for work because she handles helping them with homework before I get home from work (at least that's how she rationalizes it). Keep in mind that we just moved to a new place and a part-time job fell in her lap in January that will end in May when school is out, so if the proportions of housework don't change during the summer when she is home again 100% of the time, I will be more than just upset. Throughout the past five years when she has stayed home, she hasn't necessarily been on top of cleaning or laundry or whatever, but when my kids were younger and home with her that was understandable; times have changed.
To your point about being comfortable...that's the way I read it, and I live it everyday so I would know, right? The thing is, I know she isn't happy working part-time so I have brainstormed to try to help. I work for a university, and tuition would be practically free for her. I suggested that she do some research and reflection and figure out if going back for another degree would make sense, because its almost free. She said she doesn't want to go back to school at 39 years old. I recommended she try something different. She loves animals and has a helping heart...what about working for the humane society, pet adoption facility, battered women's shelter, etc? It wouldn't pay nearly as much as if she went back into her previous profession, but would still be a sizable check (compared to $0 LOL) and would give her a sense of fulfillment. She said maybe this fall when she starts looking for work those ideas are possibilities.
I'm trying to make sense of all of this. I'm the "morning person" who leaps outta bed every morning with a smile and interacts with my kids. Makes the start to their day positive. I have a very positive attitude (yes, I get cranky too but for the most part I'm very positive).
I guess this whole thread is just me thinking out loud with a bunch of goons responding (mixed in with a couple of thoughtful people too). LOL
My wife took care of the kids and worked part-time at the hospital when they were young. Now they are 17 and 20 and she still works the night shift part-time. Her argument for the last ten years has been "well who is going to take of this house, cleaning cooking etc" if i work full -time you? . blah blah i gave up she's 47 the thought of any change in her life makes her foam from the mouth like an angry pitbull.
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DUDE! Wake the f888 up! I am not sure why people are bashing you about your materialistic wishes, but that shouldn't really be relevant to this discussion. Your posts clearly demonstrates why you're upset (see bold/underlined statements above). She's not cleaning, doing laundry, or preparing the children for the day (see Menial housework). She's also working only part-time. WHAT IS SHE DOING, then? I am not sure why your wife is so opposed to going back to work; it would clearly benefit your family immensely. Not only would you be able to live a more financially comfortable life, but it is likely that you can use the added income for better family vacations, retirement, college for the young ones, etc. If your wife were around the age of 50-55, I could understand why she may feel it unreasonable to take on gainful employment, but she's 39 years old for Christ's sake. Maybe she'll find a job this fall? You can't be serious?!?
As I said before, to raise a family successfully requires a TEAM EFFORT. If one horse isn't doing its part (e.g., your wife), then the burden falls on the other horses (e.g., you) to carry the weight.
If you'd like, I can give you the phone number of a friend who is MISERABLE because his wife refuses to work, even though she has a degree from Duke. They live in some crappy town home (which they rent), all because she refuses to work.
So, if I understand correctly, you do the following:
Majority financial supporter of the family
Majority of the cleaning/household chores
You take care of the kids in the morning and she takes care of them at night
During the day, when both kids are at school, and she's not working, or cleaning, what does she do? Curious.
Based on this, it does seem your wife is comfortable with just taking care of the kids and helping out a little bit here/there. While you are pulling just about all of the financial burden, putting more effort to clean/maintain your family's home and still contribute heavily to the children and their needs. Sound about right?
Don't pull any punches...tell me how you really feel! LOL
I get it. I'm glad you are on my side.
Correct, except that since she found a temporary part-time gig I am taking on more burden at home for housework, getting the kids up, etc (although prior to her part-time job she was not pulling her weight by any stretch of the imagination...I'm actually "bending" more because she is working part-time).
You may be a better man than me. I'm not brave enough to be seen in a Miata.Material possessions don't make a man. I drive a Miata so don't feel bad
Sent from my [device_name] using the svtperformance.com mobile app
I'll just say it.. Either
1. Your wife is SMOKING hot, and you let her get away because you know she's smoking hot, and you dont want to lose the " trophy wife" out in public.
or
2. She has completely let herself go. And it's cheaper to stay married than to divorce.
Fact is.. You've let her get her way for years upon years. And that falls on you.
Home after 7? Not every single person the planet works that late. Your average job is a 9-5. You telling me all those people have a 2 hour commute. Come on now.
You're also thinking mom and dad have the exact same schedule? Come on now.
Hell I get off at 1pm ( 5a-1p shift) Not every works an 11-7 job. or even a 7-7 job.
Also, Eat at 8, clean til 9:30? Throw the dishes in the dishwasher, and push a button. Thats 5 minutes.
Honestly, if the kids are at school all day. And get home at 4pm.. If they wreck the house EVERY single day from 4-9 to require an hour and a half EVERY single day of cleaning. That's a parenting problem. Not a kid problem. No kid should be causing their parents to have to do 10 hours of house cleaning a week, plus laundry, dishes, etc ( so equate that to 12 hours )
If kids are destroying the house that bad.. The kids should be cleaning it especially if they are in school and old enough know right from wrong
Wait wait wait..
YOU have to bend more... So SHE can work less than YOU
And SHE can bend less... so SHE can work less than YOU
Come on bro...
Hell with it, buy the car.
Prius maybe?
Regarding #1 vs. #2, I'm not going to get into personal things on SVTP (I have shared way too much already).
As to your second point about bending, that's how I feel, dude. Gotta stop. I think in her mind, she looks at it as she doesn't spend $600 on bags or a pair of shoes, she doesn't need designer things to keep her happy, she doesn't spend a lot of frivolous things, so I should consider myself lucky.
LOL I might, but not because of any of this. I might buy it because I want it and because no one is going to go hungry or lose the roof over their head if I do!
So you should consider yourself lucky.. because.. she doesn't spend your money. Good god!
She would probably get that shit, if she did more around the house. No offense but if you're telling the honest to God truth. She don't deserve a 600 dollar bag.
Question for you.. if you were to spend $1000 right now on car parts and they showed up at your door step when she was home. What would she say?
She would say "why are you spending $1000 on car parts for a 2007 Accord?" LOL
She trusts that if I'm spending the money, we must have it, because I'm careful with our money. I don't look at it as "my" money. We decided together that she would stay home with the kids while I worked, so what's mine is hers too. However, now that the time has passed for her to need to be home with kids, I'm starting to look at it differently. I will still pay for housing, transportation, food, and all the necessities, but if you choose not to work, you're not entitled to any of the expendable income. That is MY money.
Bet a judge, and her lawyer would say otherwise about " my money" if either of you got tired of eachothers shit lol
For sure...I don't disagree with that. LOL
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