Pursuing biological parents??

highdensity007 · Nov 26, 2016

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that your mom denied it was her because she doesn't want your siblings to know about you, that she has lived her entire life that way, and that she felt that at the time when you were born that it was in your best interest that things be the way they are. I can fully understand why you would want to contact her and get to know her and yojr siblings, but sometimes things are best left the way they are.

I will tell you this, my mother abandoned me when I was almost four, so I can somewhat relate brother. Just makes me appreciate the people that were there for me that much more, then and now.

highdensity007 · Nov 26, 2016

gnats said:
If you have a way of contacting the adult siblings, and you want to reach out to them, I say go for it. They're adults, and can make up their own minds, if they want to know you.

I would advise against contacting the siblings.

gnats · Nov 27, 2016

Why on earth would you advise against reaching out to adult siblings? They're old enough to decide if they want to get to know a sibling they never knew they had. They're old enough to make their own decision, without mommy' s influence. If I were the sibling, I'd want to know if I had a sibling I never knew about.

PaxtonShelby · Nov 27, 2016

I agree with what high density said in post 21. Your siblings may not know about you and contacting them could send quite a shockwave through their families and strain their relationships.

My wife and I adopted our older daughter at birth. I was in the delivery room and actually cut the cord. Mom disappeared from the hospital overnight and I know there were family reasons for that. I completely understand your desire to at least meet your siblings, and I hope that someday it happens. Just be mindful of how things could unfold once you reach out. Good luck.

barstowpo · Nov 27, 2016

I am in a similar situation. I was adopted at a few days old. I found my bio mother and now keep in contact. I have talked to my bio father and we message on Facebook. I have met one sibling on each side and I talk on FB to another one. It was a positive experience for me. I can see how it easily could be a disaster though. By bio parents have very different versions of how I came to be. I just leave that one alone.

smitty2919 · Nov 28, 2016

I'd be curious why you were given up...

She now has 3 kids, maybe with the same guy maybe not. Could been a bad time for her to have a kid so she gave you up, maybe didn't want to have a kid with your bio dad because he sucks so she dumped his ass and gave you up, maybe couldn't afford to keep you...maybe....maybe...maybe...

Point it, does it matter why? There is a reason she didn't want you and if you told her you have proof it is her and she still denied it, then she doesn't care to want you now and potentially cause headache for her current family situation. Her or her man must have some sort of money....owning a promod can't be cheap LOL.

Like someone said, you never knew her, she never cared to know you...the people that raised you are the only ones you need to worry/care about.

bigblue95z · Nov 28, 2016

Maybe I'm not being cynical enough in my thinking through the years and that's why I want to find bio parents. At least based on some of these replies here. I guess when I learned I was adopted, didn't think it was because the bio mom didn't want me, I suppose I had always framed it as they were doing what was best kind of thing knowing at 16-17 they couldn't have handled it. Could be me being naïve. I think she denied it because it was over Facebook messenger and she didn't know what to do/think at 9pm. And that prob wasn't the best way to approach either, but the excitement got the best of me when I found the profile. I'm going to give it a little bit longer and send a hand written letter and maybe a photo or 2. Basically leave like this: "If you want to talk, great. If you don't, OK. But I'd really like to have a father's name and some family history if you never want to speak again." If after that I get nothing, I think I'll be reaching out to the siblings. Being a sudo only child, it feels weird to know you have them, even when they haven't ever been in your life.

DHG1078 · Nov 28, 2016

Are you absolutely sure its her, and not someone else with the same name?

If it truly is her, I would be skeptical about proceeding further. Forcing an issue may only put strain in their family and only result in resentment for you from your bio. mom.

Screw-Rice · Nov 28, 2016

bigblue95z said:
Maybe I'm not being cynical enough in my thinking through the years and that's why I want to find bio parents. At least based on some of these replies here. I guess when I learned I was adopted, didn't think it was because the bio mom didn't want me, I suppose I had always framed it as they were doing what was best kind of thing knowing at 16-17 they couldn't have handled it. Could be me being naïve. I think she denied it because it was over Facebook messenger and she didn't know what to do/think at 9pm. And that prob wasn't the best way to approach either, but the excitement got the best of me when I found the profile. I'm going to give it a little bit longer and send a hand written letter and maybe a photo or 2. Basically leave like this: "If you want to talk, great. If you don't, OK. But I'd really like to have a father's name and some family history if you never want to speak again." If after that I get nothing, I think I'll be reaching out to the siblings. Being a sudo only child, it feels weird to know you have them, even when they haven't ever been in your life.

If you reach out again and still don't get a reply, let it go. Contacting the kids when the mom doesn't want any contact is really weird, and will ensure resentment from the mom. They aren't your family, they're strangers that share a few genetics.

4barrel · Nov 28, 2016

My wife just recently found out about her older brother. She is 30 and he is 33. He is her half brother through her dad. Her dad passed away when my wife was 5 and right after he found out about the son. Thus, he didn't get to know his son at all. Her mom didn't mention the brother to her. Needless to say, my wife was very mad at her mom. She was delighted to meet her brother and they have a wonderful relationship. It's possible your biological siblings have no idea you exist and would also like to know you. If they say no, go on about your life. It's not like you'll go to jail or get sued for reaching out.

Pursuing biological parents??

Reach out to bio brothers/sister?

Yeah, go for it

No, let it go

highdensity007

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